Written by Amber Garibay
“You deserve to be loved Amber.” She said it like she felt I hadn’t been previously, though she couldn’t possibly know.
“Do I?” My heart sneered to be seen so, while my mouth moved to smile without words. “Do I really? Do I really deserve to be loved. Really?”
Deloris said nothing in reply, just as my mouth never moved to speak the truth of which she could clearly see. My belief is to the contrary. My questioning of her affirmation stuck to my throat by deep regret of knowing that she is right, by all accounts of goodness and positive energy I should be deserving. I should be deserving of love.
“Why?” became the pleading of my eyes which were brimming with tears, while my pride chastised me for allowing her to catch me as she had. I was at work, with no time or place among strangers for crying. Deloris was to new to know my value, though surely she was wise enough to see me clearly after eighty-two years of life.
“If I am deserving of love then should I not have it, and if it’s been mine all along then why do I feel so injured? Deserving, yes, I deserved all of it. I am certain of that…”
There was still nothing more than silence and age between us. Neither of us had spoken since her initial recognition of kindness. “You deserved to be loved Amber…”
The idea of love felt like charity, but I surrendered to it. “How are you so sure?” I asked finally, sighing in acknowledgment of her purpose. Deloris meant to lift my spirit and I intended to let her because I was low. I had been for most of the morning, which had not gone as I had needed it to. The entire day had been a failure until Deloris came in to train.
Delightful Deloris. I loved her before knowing her face, “Is this really your very first gym membership Deloris?” I asked her not long back during her fitness assessment.
“Why heavens yes! I would never in a million years have imagined myself in a place like this…”
It was then that I thanked God for her gift for surely there had to be divinity in her placement. Deloris was exactly where she needed to be, but the questioning of it brought great humor. “That’s just crazy to me. I need to know, why now Deloris? Eighty-two is an unusual age to begin a fitness lifestyle… not that I am complaining. I am thrilled that you are here, and I’m ecstatic for the opportunity to train you. I am also blatantly curious as to the motivation of your choice. Would you be kind enough to share?”
Deloris made no never mind about it, near exasperating in her frankness, “I didn’t know where else to take him for help,” she admitted. “I need to get him up walking again. He stopped when his hip started bothering him, and so I did too. It’s only been a few months, but I feel myself deteriorating rapidly. I feel weaker everyday, to the point of fearing that there may come a time in the near future when I find I have no energy left. I don’t know what I’ll do then.”
“He stopped walking? Your husband?” I inquired.
“Yes…. Frank. We used to walk together. I love to walk.”
“You quit walking when he quit?”
She nodded.
“Can I ask you something?”
She nodded again.
“If Frank quits, what will happen to you? Would you walk without him?”
I heard her speak before her answer cleared to prove it, “No. I don’t think I would…”
“BUT…” my heart rejected her choice of sealed doom by union, “Why not? You too are deserving of love. Didn’t you just tell me that you love to walk…?”
